manifest, but also do the f*cking work

 

"You'll just get it anyways"

I heard a lot of that in high school. Maybe it's because I could coast through an assignment with little to no effort and still get a good grade, not a perfect one, but not bad either. However, the fact that I could do this meant when I tried and put my effort into something it was almost always downplayed. When I lost at something people would instantly have opinions and let me aware of their expectations they had on me. It felt suffocating to say the least, but I got through it. 

Today I see a lot online about "manifesting". Wether your conjuring up your dream life, the type of romance you want, or your new big girl job, people were now joining in on the new trend of manifesting what you want. I liked the idea, writing in my journal what I wanted my life to like in this many years and the type of goals I wanted to achieve by a certain age, however it seemed to me that when I told people that I had achieved what I had so called "manifested" they were a little taken back when I told I worked to make it happen. 

Everything that I had wanted to do in life didn't just pop out of thin air because I had wished upon a star, no, it was because I had put in the work. Sure some of that work came from the help of others but I didn't just sit around waiting for my dreams to happen. Suddenly I felt the exact same way I had felt in school, as if my hard work to get what I wanted was being downplayed, only this time it was to it being manifested instead of be expected. 

In all seriousness, I think people need to realise that the things they see about getting your dream life don't just come from a few casually toss expectations and little work, you need to put in the effort to get what you want. Unless of course your some rich 1% person but that's not me along with the rest of the world. I believe that you can, truely, get the life that you want, but it won't be by just manifesting it. You will need to plan, and you will need to set goals for yourself to achieve in small portions so that eventually you can get to where you want to be. Now how fast you get to where you want to be depends on your determination. 

I know it's not terribly romantic to work but if it means that you can get the life you want then you will have to buckle down and do it. To be honest, this was more of an annoyed rant more than anything but I think it's an important wake up call to some, you can't just sit and expect your life to change, you need to do something. Nothing changes if nothing changes. 

xoxo, ladybug

what i woke up saying

Stay swag.

Stay sexy.

Stay annoying.

Stay intellectual.

Stay unbothered.

Stay mysterious. 

Stay you.

Period.

xoxo, ladybug

touching grass (literally)

 

So I went on a hike recently and it was the best thing I've done in a long time.

I went for 3 days and 2 nights since I couldn't take too long off work but it was the perfect amount of time. It is trips like these that I take that remind me of my long distant yearning for exploring nature. I'm reminded everyday of how beautiful the world we live in really is and it makes me sad that we spend so much of our time struggling to survive in it. Instead we could be wandering through the fields that stretch across the farmlands or hiking up the mountains protecting the towns bellow. Unfortunately, we are condemned to a life of work, those without wealthy backgrounds, and we are shackled down by the chains of "human life" that our society has created for us. 

Luckily, every so often I'm able to unlock those chains and head off on my own to explore a little more of the world I live in. 

On the first day of my hike I woke up early to shove in the last few things into the corner of my already bursting pack (I'm aware I'm an over packer) before re checking that I had everything I needed for the 28th time, as one can never be too sure. Had a disgusting healthy breakfast of greek yogurt, chia seeds, oats, and blueberries. I'm kidding, it was tolerable. My drive was 3 hours long and for most of my time I cruised while listening to music. Now every true music listener has that one song they find once a month and replay it 24/7 until they get so sick of it that they physically recoil when they hear it afterwards. Well that is yours truely with Arianna's "The Way", it has been taking everything else in my brain and chucking it out to fill up as much room in my head as possible. 

Starting the hike in the middle of the day at peak heat was probably an incredibly stupid idea on my part but that's the price to pay for belting songs while showering after breakfast this morning. Nevertheless, I strapped my pack on, only after double checking I had everything again of course, and sent my last text to my family before disappearing into the trees. Surprisingly the walk up wasn't difficult at all, granted I had chosen the easiest hike that one could probably complete in a day if they wanted to but I was rusty so I took 3 days instead. The tall tree provided a nice shelter from the hot sun as I skipped along the boardwalk that covered most of the path on the way. I stopped every now and then for a water break but for the most part it was a nice smooth walk up to the campsite accompanied by the various bugs that seemed to be aiming directly for my ears as I walked. Now first things first when arriving at camp was finding a good, covered, spot to hunker down for the night which wasn't too difficult since this trail had cut out places for you. For the first time in a long long while, I felt very at peace sitting with my chicken soup in hand, on a log, facing the cool ocean breeze with the distant gossip of seals interrupting every few minutes. 

Throughout the small struggles I had on this trip, I felt oddly relaxed being alone in nature, maybe it was because I was finally going to bed at a reasonable time instead of at the crack of dawn. Despite that, my life seemed to move a lot slower out there, I could move and breathe at a difference pace and find a rhythm I hadn't felt before. I felt almost too calm out there considering I had been warned about bears frequenting the area. However, I was away from the deafening noise of the world, society, social media, everything. All I had to do was exist on my log and walk to my next camp while enjoying the new worlds I was walking through. I focused more on my thoughts and what was right in front of me. How the sun sparkled on the water when I tore it's way through the heavy fog in the morning, or how the trail twisted around the huge trees that had demand to stay untouched. I had no real schedule to chase for the first time in my life and it was like I had a little bit of my own freedom back from my overthinking mind. 

My solitude removed any pressure that I was placing on myself, even if it was just for a moment, my nervousness about what was to come melted away along with my worrying expectations of how I needed to be. Unfortunately all that fear came right back when I spotted a HUGE black bear on the morning of my last day. Yeah, pretty sure I shat myself a little bit, but it fuelled my quick race back to the car.

So if you haven't yet, go touch some grass for a few days, I think it helps.
PS: Don't befriend a chipmunk, they will steal your breakfast

xoxo, ladybug

i went hiking!

 Dear ladybugs,

I'm back!!

I went on a small backpacking trip & I can't wait to tell you guys all about it after work! Stay tuned, I'll write up on my newest adventure soon enough.

xoxo, ladybug

my absence of girlhood

 

My ladies aren't here to complete me. 

It's been 3 months since I have been with my girls, it's safe to say that I'm having withdrawals. For some people, their friendships are easily replaceable, I am not one of those people. Yes, I am perfectly fine on my own but I need my girls, they are a part of me and have always been there for me. Unlucky for me, they are all on an 18 hour plane flight away in a totally different country. Which isn't terribly ideal when it's 2am and your missing them. I especially miss the comfort I felt in knowing they were near and I could whisk out my phone no matter the hour and flick them a quick text. 

ladybug: "hey love, let's meet up for dinner sometime soon, when works for you?"

rice cake: "how abt next week Wednesday 7pm down by the waterfront?"

ladybug: "perfect, i'll put it in my calendar"

rice cake: "where shall we go?"

You get the idea, I can't do this anymore unless I swim across the seven seas to meet them. They are my everything and they complete me. Also the three hour gossip sessions we have over drinks and good food are consistently in the back of my mind, it's making me insane. 

I think girlhood is kind of romantic in a way, you just know that your female friendships are special because of the way they make you feel. You don't need to say it either, you can just live with knowing that the  girl/girls next to you are with you. I could turn to my best friend and breakdown but yet she will be able to untangle my strings and make sense of the messiness that is clouding me that day. You don't find that in just anyone. To me this is absolutely beautiful, the way we support each other and life one another up is what makes girlhood, girlhood. 

Unfortunately, life isn't the sunshine and rainbows we were promised by our princess films as little girls, but we do have our ladies with us. I miss my ladies terribly and I hope to see them when I return home this year for Christmas. I hope every girl out there has her other part/parts to giggle and gossip with, I for one can't wait to get back home to mine.

xoxo, ladybug

the weight of dreams

So it happened, I moved across countries.

To be honest I had always had this dream that when I was older, in my 20s, I would be living on my own in some cool popular city like every romcom girl I had ever watched on film. Of course, as I got older I realised that doing such a thing was going to be very difficult considering I would need to have a lot of one thing. 

Money. 

It's the one thing you always need and can never seem to have enough of in this world. Fortunately for me I was able to secure a job in high school but not until the last year and a half. This was mainly due to the fact that wherever I applied I need 3+ years of experience for the most mundane job that I could learn in 20 minutes flat, but it is what it is. However once I got my job I did what any smart girl does, spends her whole entire first pay check on shopping of course! Kidding, but not really, I do regret that. Luckily the lack of money I had afterwards made me realise that if I wanted to get anywhere I was going to need to save my money for the future. And so I did. 

Less than a year later I had slaved and safed my life away. 

However I didn't have enough money to move to the life of my dreams and I didn't particularly want to start university straight out of school, so the only logical answer was to travel. I booked myself a month trip to Italy to escape away from my feelings of not going anywhere with my life. I'll admit sipping on limoncello and aperol spritz's did help distract me from my impending life choices but like all good trips it had to come to an end. During the last few days of my trip I went to visit my grandmother in Seattle, it was there that I got presented with a job opportunity to work as an assistant. 

This was very sudden for me.

All in the span of 3 days I was being asked to stay back in Seattle instead of going home. I needed to recap my thoughts so I said "what if I went home for a few weeks, gathered my things and came back?", the next day I was on a plane home with my mind racing about what had just been handed to me. Once I arrived back home I told my parents the plan and from then I had 3 weeks to pack up my whole life, say goodbye to friends, and mourn the fact I would be leaving my dog. { I actually miss my baby so much }

There were tones of tears, I'm a sensitive lady.

I think I cried for 15 minutes while holding my mother, she is my best friend and it was very hard to let her go. We both knew that this would be an amazing opportunity for me but we were very close and it was going to hurt being apart for a long time. In the end I powered through and now here I am, sitting in my office writing this on my lunch break. 

I have no idea where this new chapter of my life will take me but I'm very excited to share it with everyone!

xoxo, ladybug

class icebreaker

 

well hi there everyone!

i have decided to start a little blog because i've been wanting to romanticies my life over in seattle, washington. i realised that i really need to stop caring about what other people think about me, and that means i'm going to start my own little blog. 

i hope you all enjoy my random thoughts!

xoxo, ladybug