she's struck out

 

Sometimes it sucks to be on your own. 

I've been staying at my aunts place for a month now and she is rarely ever home, this is due to the fact that she some how has three. Sometimes I forget just how rich she is and it can be very overwhelming, don't get me wrong I am incredibly grateful she is letting me stay with her but wow she is in a hugely different tax bracket than me. Anyways thats besides the point that I am talking about. What i've been having some trouble with is learning to be ok with being alone 80% of the time. I did spend time alone when I was in high school but this is different. In high school I was seeing my friends every day, sometimes whether I liked it or not, but at least I saw them. Going home to be alone was nice because I got to have that moment to just myself before my parents got home, although, I have a good relationship with them so if I wanted to be left alone they would comply. However now it's an incredibly different feeling, being alone. It's constant. 

Quite frankly I used to be really excited about living alone in a new place away from home, but now I have realised that if I do that I need to have friends around me and near me. Sure I can text them but it doesn't fulfil me as much as being with them in person does. My friends are what help make me whole as a person, some of them are my rocks in life and help me through the more rocky terrain of this crazy road called life. Without them it would be hard, I don't think I would be able to go through the day if I didn't have my friends to turn to, to miss as dearly as I do. 

This is not to say I'm not an independent person because I am. My days currently consist of taking care of myself and the space I live in as if it were my own and I indeed was one my own and moved out. However, being independent and being alone are two very different things, if not in your mind it is in mine. I can be independent and still rely on my friends for certain things, I can still look too them for comfort. Being alone means having no one to turn to for help or love, it's wanting to tell someone about how work is tiring right now but turning only to find a blank screen staring back at you. I can be independent but I can't be alone, and right now I'm starting to drift into that feeling ever so slightly. Perhaps it's the stress of what's going on in my life currently with work and figuring out where my future is going to go, I know it's a big question. 

Perhaps I'm just getting homesick and missing my blood and found family. I guess this is a little on the sad side for a blog that is meant to be about finding my new life in my upcoming 20s but oh well. Sometimes a girl gets sad and thats just life right? 

xoxo, ladybug

thrifting is my joy in life

 

I can't shop at normal stores now and it's a big problem.

For context, a two minute, no one minute walk away from my work is a consignment store which if you don't know is sort of like a thrift store except the store sells the good on behalf of the original owners, splitting the sale price with them. Now this does mean that the goods aren't relatively cheap nor highly expensive, but they aren't mainstream which is what I prefer. I honestly think that consignment stores should be a more popular thing and I did consider opening one myself for a while but I would have a cafe shop attached to it because who doesn't love to thrift with a fresh coffee in hand. Do think it would be successful, maybe I'll keep it in my back pocket for now. 

Back to the fact that this store near my work is draining my paycheck the second it comes in. Yes, I am now guilty for the fact that this store is now 70% of my wardrobe. I went in once and just couldn't stop, some people are addicted to drugs, I'm addicting to finding new pieces at this store. I do wonder why I love thrifting/consignment shopping WAY more than just regular shopping. Perhaps it's that rush of excitement I get when I find a "hidden gem" among the lengthly racks of clothing. I guess that just keeps me coming back for more because I want to feel the happiness of finding a new item that fits perfectly. When you walk into a general store like, what's an American store here, Old Navy for example, everything I find in there all has the same style. Nothing really jumps out at me when I'm in those stores, not like when searching through a large rack and seeing something different every second.  

What I would really love is to work at one of these stores, specifically the consignment store I always go to. Spending the day surrounded by cool clothes and accessories would be a dream, plus I would hopefully, probably, get a discount on the things I buy from the store. I also started a friendship with the ladies that run the store I basically live at which I am so grateful for because they are the sweetest people and are very helpful in helping me figure out whether something looks good on me or not. On several occasions other customers have also joined in and asked me for fashion advice, which massively fed me ego, but it made me feel so at home. Perhaps I should ask if they need any help and are looking to hire someone because I would love to work there and with them. 

If anyone works at a thrift store, bring me there because I would love to experience it. I just love cool funky fashion and being in the thrift shop allows me to have fun. Someone go thrifting with me right now, I need a partner in crime, but also please have a different style to me otherwise I will get too jealous when you find something I like. 

xoxo, ladybug