didn't see it, didn't happen

All it takes is one trending post to feel seen. We want everything to be about us, we want to be seen, we want to be adored; most of all, we want to be noticed. Society has become a world of self-branding and self-exploitation. If you didn’t post that story about that “cute af” morning coffee date you did with your girlfriends, then how would anyone know you did it? How will anyone know that you're cool, that you do fun things? How will anyone know you deserve to be noticed, that your life is interesting enough for people to watch? Social media has become society’s weapon, placing overbearing pressure on people to follow and perform (whether they realise it or not). If the world hasn’t seen it, it didn’t happen, and that is the domino effect of unhealthy habits. 

Everybody needs to be seen. Everybody needs to be validated. Everybody feels this overwhelming urge to be noticed online. We need to throw every aspect of our lives out into the void of the internet just to feel recognised - to feel real. We find ourselves compelled to share every detail, seeking that dopamine rush from hearts and comments on a screen. Social media hasn’t just changed how we connect; it’s reprogrammed how we value real life. If an event isn’t documented and posted, it almost feels like it never happened at all. Our lives have turned into public performances - curated, polished, filtered. Crafted to attract likes, comments, and various forms of validation. A world where we cherished personal experiences has now become one where we monetize them, not for meaning, but for metrics. Everyone’s captions now echo the phrase, “Pic’s or it didn’t happen” summing up this shift in mindset without us even noticing it. Long before filters and front-facing cameras, people found validation through face-to-face interactions. From the praise of parents and teachers, to the comfort of being seen by your community, belonging was earned through connections. Psychologists call this “external validation”, a need as old as society itself. As Dr. Dave Cornell explains, external validation involves “basing one’s value as a person on the standards of others, such as family and friends, coworkers, and societal norms”. Today, however, societal approval is found on platforms like Instagram that thrive on the artful curation of images to idealize and frequently exaggerate our lives. This distortion of reality has a cost. It fuels anxiety, especially among younger users who spiral when their posts don’t perform well enough. They start to measure their worth in likes, in follows, in fleeting attention. The hunger to be seen, even just a little, becomes a full-time obsession. The result is a culture where we’re always performing, where authenticity takes a back seat to applause. And while the pressure builds, influencers rise from that pressure like perfectly-poised sirens. But who cares about authentic, well-lived experiences when you can have your personal worth measured by online interactions from total strangers. 

Of course if you want to get anywhere in today's digital landscape, a few measly likes won’t cut it. You need to be an influencer - a key player in an economy driven by the relentless pursuit of attention. These aren’t just people; they’re brands. Personal branding has become profit. One post. One sponsorship. One flight to a resort with a ring light and a drone. Since 2010, when Instagram launched, brands have shifted from celebrity endorsements to carefully curated “everyday” users. Now it’s a billion-dollar industry. Most influencers aren’t experts - they’re just good at being looked at. They succeed through the art of captivating their audience. Even social media researcher, Brooke Erin Duffy, explains, “We’ve created a world where being watched is a form of currency”. It’s no longer about what you offer, but how well you can sell the illusion. This dynamic not only encourages shallow interactions but also creates pressure to present a socially accepted version of oneself, which can undermine real relationships and ruin the significance of honest communication. Take influencer trips: brands flying creators to tropical beaches, staging photo ops, crafting faux-candid moments with perfect lighting. These aren’t vacations, they’re advertisements disguised as lifestyle. Unique experiences reduced to content feeder. Everything becomes a performance, even relaxation. And what’s the cost? The more we perform, the less we connect. We become characters in our own lives, rewriting reality just to be relevant. Even our most vulnerable moments, heartbreaks, breakdowns, family dinners, become marketable. But who cares when a sunset photo can get you flown to the Maldives with a $5k gift bag full of designer skincare. 

The urge to overshare, to constantly broadcast, has eroded the walls between personal and public. Our feeds are flooded with morning routines, crying selfies, day in my life vlogs. A 2022 Pew study revealed that over 80% of teens feel pressured to post in a way that pleases others, even if it means pretending. That’s not a connection. That’s marketing. We swap real conversations for curated clips, vulnerability for visibility, honesty for aesthetic. Ironically, in being “more connected than ever”, we’ve never been more alone. To reclaim our relationships, we must learn to protect parts of our lives from the feed. We need to live moments that aren’t meant to be posted. But who cares about that when a single reel might go viral?

In this world obsessed with visibility, we’ve lost something essential: the ability to live for ourselves. We no longer favour moments for what they are, instead we document them for how they’ll appear. What began as a genuine desire for connection became curation. Now we’ve become brands instead of people. We perform, pretend, and package up our lives for approval. Influencers aren’t building relationships; they’re executing marketing strategies. And the rest of us? We’re watching, imitating, and buying into the illusion. Even the most intimate aspects of life have been drawn into this performance. Love is captioned. Grief is uploaded. Laughter is background noise to a Tik Tok. Real life fades, pixel by pixel, fading slowly beneath a glossy surface of digital perfection. And our reward? Applause from strangers and validation from algorithms, or loneliness wrapped in 15 seconds of fame. We traded irreplaceable, real, messy, beautiful, human connection, for fleeting connection. Now we are left scrolling through feeds of each other’s lives, desperately trying to feel something real.

(I don't normally like doing informational opinion pieces but I liked this one) xoxo, ladybug

i'll eat you up my love

You look so delicious, I could just gobble you up. 

Perhaps I am beginning a descent down a rabbit hole. One that may take me a while to get out of, or perhaps I may decided to stay here for a while, it isn't too bad. Recently, I picked up the tv show Hannibal again, I had started it last year in June but exams and school work tore me away from my midnight indulges, the show being one of them. Unfortunately for my restless brain, I decided that it would be a good show to occupy myself with this autumn. I will say, I don't think anything will compare to watching Hannibal for the first time (technically) during autumn. While I'm sure many will have their opinions on the devilish act that occurs within this show, I wanted to share my thoughts on the matter. The matter of cannibalism, that is. 

"A kiss is the beginning of cannibalism" - Georges Bataille

When you kiss someone you love and desire, implying they feel the same way, you are, by then, simply two hungry animals feeding on one another. Granted, this is a more darker approach to human intimacy, but I feel it isn't uncommon as wanting to absorb another human being is the current craze. For example regarding the male leads of romantic books, so I've heard. Many say it is attractive when one kisses another like they want to consume them, to kiss like they have been starved of you.

Cannibalism at it's core means to consume the flesh of ones species. It is often depicted as something savage and animalistic which I don't totally disagree with, however, I do think that it can be something more than just the savage starvation of a crazed animal.  In fact, in religion you consume the divine which is not seen as savage on the surface by the human eye. I am talking about the eating of Christ's body and the drinking of his blood which is practiced in catholic mass. This idea of consuming god, metaphorically of course, is seen as love through the act of eating and drinking. In my mind, I see this as a form of cannibalism, the eating of the divine. 

In more modern day, we tie the act of eating pomegranates to cannibalism. The pomegranate, a fruit with a hard leathery skin that you must rip open to get to the juicy inside that you may eat. It interest me that ripping open the human heart to get to the beating flesh is connected to this humble and simple fruit. Pomegranates, when you peel them open, the juice, the blood, runs down your hands creating a mess that looks like you have killed someone. Perhaps this is why we connect them to the heart because there is death imagery in holding one. It's is holding someones heart in your hands, peeling away their layers to get to their core, their flesh, all the while their blood runs down your arms and stains your hands. There was a sort of test online where you got your lover to open a pomegranate for you, if they did so it meant that they didn't mind the mess because it was for you. Pomegranates were this symbol of undying love and devotion to someone. It is poetic to be so devotional to someone, it is similar to cannibalism. Cannibalism, in a romantic sense, can be seen as the act of being so in love that you give a physical piece of yourself to your other, it is the need to consume another. You must peel open the flesh, strip it, pry it open. It is so carnal, it is a passionate aggressiveness, yet it is still tender, this form of love. 

The act of cannibalism is not inherently viewed as an act of love, because at it's core it is not. In society, I should say in western, it is seen as dehumanising, an act without civility, it is demonic, satanic. If your partner or friend were to tell you that they indulge themselves in eating others you would not think of it as an act of love, rather a horrific evil that has consumed them, they have become something horrible and out of reach from humanity. I, in no way, am defending cannibalism, I am simply fascinated by it use as a metaphor for love and devotion. Nor am I trying to glorify this, even though we as a society have done so already. We do so with vampires and vampirism. 

If I were to tell you I was a vampire would you be more accepting of me than if I were to tell you I was a cannibal?

While vampires do not eat the flesh the certainly drink the blood. However this opinion depends on whether are not you still see them as human, they once were. Regardless, vampirism, the practice of things associated with vampires, is a grey puddle. At least it is for me, in many depictions, vampires are seen as the undead, but with modern day vampires or vampirism they are human. Cannibalism, traditionally, involves the eating of flesh not just the drinking of blood, so many argue that vampirism is on the outside. So there is the question is it cannibalistic or a more erotic sexually consumption act? 

Along the lines of eroticism, I would say the erotic cannibalism is becoming more popular as of late. The desire to be consumed is, with consent of course, been romanticised in everyday love. We see it in phrases, like wanting to crawl into ones skin or biting one another. Much of our figurative sexual acts and language revolve around cannibalism, wanting to taste with your mouth ones body part or particular orifice. There is a sexual and romantic desire to be totally fused with someone that many have, whether or not it is in a cannibalistic nature or not. You embrace them, you accept them, you love them, bones and all. Some may view it as an act of love that is all-consuming. A love that can be beautiful yet horrific, a love that is so inhumanely repulsive yet so very compelling. It is a wordless physical love that is such an intimate action it can't be described easily for the ear. Tell me what could be more intimate than consuming someone so that they will be with you forever? 

xoxo, ladybug

a rich ladies world

"Thank god I'll be gone in 30 years years, I wouldn't be able to survive" 

These were the words of a lady I talked to while at work today. Her words stumped me a bit because while she wasn't going to be alive, I was going to be. I have realised while talking to the older people that live here in this area with me, that many of them are happy that they will be gone soon. At first I wonder why but it then became clear that it was because the world has become very hard to live comfortably in now. They all expressed about how expensive things have become, how they are glad they bought their houses "back then when it was cheaper", how gas is now your whole pay check, and groceries cost and arm and a leg. These people were all smiling and happy thinking about the fact that they won't have to live in this expensive world much longer, but I, unlike them, will be. I couldn't sympathise at all with these people because I was going to have to continue on in a world far to expensive to live in comfortably. 

While it is not inherently their fault, my generation weren't the ones who helped make the world like this, no it was the older generations. I don't want to blame but it's very hard to not feel annoyance when they, back then, bought a lavish house for the same price as a one room apartment  in the present day. If the world keeps going the way it's going, which is up in terms of expenses, I won't be able to afford a place of my own unless I'm living with 7 other people. Now that may be exaggerating it a bit, but it's not terribly far off. If you aren't born into a wealthy family, are some sort of influencer or pop star, you can easily afford things in this life. It's not taught in schools how difficult it is to go out into the world, so when we do get thrust out it's a shocking hit in the face. 

The fact that my pay check is completely used up by gas and groceries is depressing to me. I've always wanted to have a fun life in my 20s but I'm already struggling at 19, no doubt I also will be next year. I got brutally hit the other day when I went out to a Sushi Bar and was punched by the prices on the menu. How do people even go out to eat anymore when anything is over $20, ok maybe not that pricey but it's not cheap, that's for sure. Food is incredibly expensive now, and I'm not just talking about eating out, the groceries are insane as well. A lot of the things you get from big mainstream stores are not only pricey but also not good for you. They are found with pesticides, parasites, and e coli, all of which aren't good for you. To generally avoid these you need to shop at organic stores which cost even more and after all that you still need to be wary and washing your fruits and vegetables. I find this insane, how will the people that can't afford the higher organic prices stay safe, it's just horrible. 

Yet, the older generation have already lived their lives, they aren't the ones heading into this world in the future. The younger generation won't be able to survive on these high prices and spoiled goods unless they are rich enough to avoid it. I hope I can find a way to live the way I wish to in this world, I know it will be difficult but I'm willing to make it work. If that means I need to become a rich woman, so be it. 

xoxo, ladybug

this is my alter ego

So a little over a month ago I decided to lean into the demon draped in silk that sits on my shoulder. 

Sometimes it slips onto here, but normally I try not to let it since I created this blog to be more of a safe space for the girls and the gay, guys you are also welcome, to relax into the worries and thoughts of a girl trying to make her way through life. Now I will admit that I have been very select with what I share on here, this is a space where I share my more mature side of myself, so to speak. However, every girl has another side to her somewhere, I guess you could call it an alter ego. 

I will say that I love this blog, it's my baby, it's my little ball of sunshine. But, every now and then a girl needs to let loose and complain in a not so lady-like fashion about her life or how terrible the world is. This was not the space I wanted to do it on, and therefore I created Alter Ego. A space apart from the more romanticised version of my life where I could let the uglier part shine and complain about the struggles of adulthood. That being said, if you are under 18, I would prefer that you refrain from jumping over to Alter Ego since I have no filters on there. Everything is very open and I do talk about more mature subjects that I'm either facing or that are going on in my life. However, I'm not your parents so if you don't mind or care, go nuts, just be mindful. 

Please keep in mind, that when a girl, or anyone for that matter, shows you her other sides she is being more open, which is what I am doing with all of you. A Ladies Weekly Chronicles will continue to be a space where I share the comings and goings of adulthood, but it will simply just be for ears of all ages. While my other blog will include the more unsanctioned daily struggles and opinions I have. This has reached so many people and I'm more than grateful for those of you that enjoy what I write and share your thoughts with me, I hope you continue to do so in light of some, not new, but now announced, information. Love you all!

xoxo, ladybug

because why would a man be there

 

Life is so much better when I'm not chasing after a boy. 

Let me rephrase, now that I have started living for myself and not holding myself down due to someone else's opinions I have felt a lot more free. Of course I want to be clear, I mean no harm to the ladies whom have a partner, as long as they are making you glow and feel like you are a living queen. Having romance in my life doesn't have to come from a significant other it can come from the thing I do, create, and experience. I feel comfortable in my own day to day doing work, making meals, and doing little side quests. 

Having a romantic relationship in my life isn't something that I'm striving for everyday, I would much rather put that time and effort in to achieving my goals and building the life I want to live with or without a partner. If I only focused on a romantic relationship then I wouldn't be where I am today. Again, I'm saying you shouldn't date, I'm saying you shouldn't let dating hold you back from what you want to achieve in life. The right person will be willing to stick with you through anything and will want to see/help you go far. 

Right now I am comfortable in romanticising the little moments of my life and dreaming about what is next in store for me. For now, I'm staying in a committed relationship with myself.

xoxo, ladybug

she's struck out

 

Sometimes it sucks to be on your own. 

I've been staying at my aunts place for a month now and she is rarely ever home, this is due to the fact that she some how has three. Sometimes I forget just how rich she is and it can be very overwhelming, don't get me wrong I am incredibly grateful she is letting me stay with her but wow she is in a hugely different tax bracket than me. Anyways thats besides the point that I am talking about. What i've been having some trouble with is learning to be ok with being alone 80% of the time. I did spend time alone when I was in high school but this is different. In high school I was seeing my friends every day, sometimes whether I liked it or not, but at least I saw them. Going home to be alone was nice because I got to have that moment to just myself before my parents got home, although, I have a good relationship with them so if I wanted to be left alone they would comply. However now it's an incredibly different feeling, being alone. It's constant. 

Quite frankly I used to be really excited about living alone in a new place away from home, but now I have realised that if I do that I need to have friends around me and near me. Sure I can text them but it doesn't fulfil me as much as being with them in person does. My friends are what help make me whole as a person, some of them are my rocks in life and help me through the more rocky terrain of this crazy road called life. Without them it would be hard, I don't think I would be able to go through the day if I didn't have my friends to turn to, to miss as dearly as I do. 

This is not to say I'm not an independent person because I am. My days currently consist of taking care of myself and the space I live in as if it were my own and I indeed was one my own and moved out. However, being independent and being alone are two very different things, if not in your mind it is in mine. I can be independent and still rely on my friends for certain things, I can still look too them for comfort. Being alone means having no one to turn to for help or love, it's wanting to tell someone about how work is tiring right now but turning only to find a blank screen staring back at you. I can be independent but I can't be alone, and right now I'm starting to drift into that feeling ever so slightly. Perhaps it's the stress of what's going on in my life currently with work and figuring out where my future is going to go, I know it's a big question. 

Perhaps I'm just getting homesick and missing my blood and found family. I guess this is a little on the sad side for a blog that is meant to be about finding my new life in my upcoming 20s but oh well. Sometimes a girl gets sad and thats just life right? 

xoxo, ladybug

thrifting is my joy in life

 

I can't shop at normal stores now and it's a big problem.

For context, a two minute, no one minute walk away from my work is a consignment store which if you don't know is sort of like a thrift store except the store sells the good on behalf of the original owners, splitting the sale price with them. Now this does mean that the goods aren't relatively cheap nor highly expensive, but they aren't mainstream which is what I prefer. I honestly think that consignment stores should be a more popular thing and I did consider opening one myself for a while but I would have a cafe shop attached to it because who doesn't love to thrift with a fresh coffee in hand. Do think it would be successful, maybe I'll keep it in my back pocket for now. 

Back to the fact that this store near my work is draining my paycheck the second it comes in. Yes, I am now guilty for the fact that this store is now 70% of my wardrobe. I went in once and just couldn't stop, some people are addicted to drugs, I'm addicting to finding new pieces at this store. I do wonder why I love thrifting/consignment shopping WAY more than just regular shopping. Perhaps it's that rush of excitement I get when I find a "hidden gem" among the lengthly racks of clothing. I guess that just keeps me coming back for more because I want to feel the happiness of finding a new item that fits perfectly. When you walk into a general store like, what's an American store here, Old Navy for example, everything I find in there all has the same style. Nothing really jumps out at me when I'm in those stores, not like when searching through a large rack and seeing something different every second.  

What I would really love is to work at one of these stores, specifically the consignment store I always go to. Spending the day surrounded by cool clothes and accessories would be a dream, plus I would hopefully, probably, get a discount on the things I buy from the store. I also started a friendship with the ladies that run the store I basically live at which I am so grateful for because they are the sweetest people and are very helpful in helping me figure out whether something looks good on me or not. On several occasions other customers have also joined in and asked me for fashion advice, which massively fed me ego, but it made me feel so at home. Perhaps I should ask if they need any help and are looking to hire someone because I would love to work there and with them. 

If anyone works at a thrift store, bring me there because I would love to experience it. I just love cool funky fashion and being in the thrift shop allows me to have fun. Someone go thrifting with me right now, I need a partner in crime, but also please have a different style to me otherwise I will get too jealous when you find something I like. 

xoxo, ladybug